Confrontation

Most of us Christian types are really lousy at confrontation.

Yet there are times when honest communication means that we will have to confront.

To leave our concerns and differences unspoken would not only betray our friend (spouse, co-worker, neighbor, person at church) but undermine our friendship.

It's called having an "elephant in the room".

While the unresolved difference might seem to be insignificant, it can wear on a relationship like a pebble in our shoe.

Here's what I know:  if the issue is not dealt with, it will eventually erode the relationship.

Making the peace is not avoiding a problem.  Just because you or I have failed to discuss a problem, does not mean that we have peace.

Unresolved conflict can be the very root of marriages disintegrating.  It can cause people to leave a job or a church.

Making the peace is not appeasing another person.  Saying or doing things just to make you feel good or get along.  That is keeping the peace and not making the peace.

Let me share with you a few quick thoughts on how to make the peace.

Making the peace is my own individual responsibility.  I can't wait until the other person comes to me.  I am to go to them.  It is hard work. 

Carrying a grudge or not extending forgiveness is the lazy person's way out. 

Schedule a time to get together with that person.  Sit down together with the idea of bringing about reconilcation (Which is different from the resolution of every problem).  A relationship can be reconciled while incrementally working on the issues.

This is especially important in church life where there are followers of Christ who think and act in the way of avoiding another believer or worse yet, trying to destroy them.

We can walk hand in hand without seeing eye to eye on everything.

Seek first to understand and then to be understood.  Place yourself in that person's shoes.  Mindset.

Ask God to help you.  We vastly underestimate the ability of the Holy Spirit to make the peace. 

In any relationship, the lack of peace is destructive.  Marriage.  Work.  Family.  Church.

A few years ago, National Geographic had a photo of the fossil remains of two saber-toothed cats locked in combat.  To quote the article:

"One had bitten deep into the leg bone of the other, a thrust that trapped both in a common fate.  The cause of the death of the two cats is as clear as the causes of extinction of their species are obvious." 

When we fight each other, everybody loses.

Paul wrote, "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."  Galatians 5:15

Years ago, in my high school year book, next to my senior year photo, I quoted St. Francis of Assisi as my senior quote: 

"Lord make me an instrument of they peace
Where there is hate - may I bring love
Where offense, may I bring pardon
May I bring union in place of discord"

Just some thoughts for a Thursday.