I have found that married couples generally fight (or have strong discussions) about sex and money (not in that order).
Here's an interesting article I pulled off the web called: "3 big reasons couples fight about money," by M.P. Dunleavely, a columnist.
Here it is:
"Arguments about money are often really struggles for power. Managing these issues can smooth out the bickering.
Like many married women, Anna, Beth, Stephanie and I have all fought with our spouses about money.
Big loud fights, small seething fights, ongoing tense "discussions" . . . pick your favorite form of financial conflict, and we've been there, done that. Recently.
You'd think that, with more than a year of experience in the Women in Red, we'd be so financially enlightened that silly money squabbles would be a thing of the past.
Nope. But the good news is, we've learned that it's possible to find true and lasting financial harmony with your mate the same way you achieve financial success in any other area of your life:Credit card interest out of control? Find a lower rate.
It takes time.
You must be patient.
Throwing things is bad.
You have to negotiate the power dynamic.
Did someone just say power? Yes.
When couples come into conflict over money, underneath the bickering over the Visa bill is a swarm of issues that are ultimately about power and control. In order to get in synch financially, you can't deal with money alone: Learning to navigate your own special, sometimes uncomfortable power dynamic is key."
Interesting stuff. Agree or disagree?
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1 comment:
Marriage is a partnership of two people who love each other. I could put this into business terms but then the love part usually gets lost or misinterpreted so I'm going to try and stay relational. Major decisions in any house should be discussed between the people involved...at first, that's usually just the married couple--as children come along and grow up, the discussion group increases. Ultimately, you will either reach consensus on the decision or a decision will be made that is in the best interest of the family (oh, I truly hope so but by this time some of you are talking about how I'm dreaming or wearing rose colored glasses or some such) and the disinclined will have to be consoled and encouraged to see the best. That's how it should work in a loving partnership...but we all know that it doesn't happen that way all the time! I'll spend some money and not tell; she'll overspend the budget and have to make adjustments; emergencies will happen outside of the budget; kids need stuff (seemingly all the time), and; it seems that more goes out than comes in.
So, what do we do? Lessons learned:
1) Money is not as important as my wife...and her happiness.
2) Power and control only mean that I have more responsibility to ensure that everyone is happy, not dominated!
3) Arguments solve nothing! I know some experts would say that conflict can bring some good. I don't agree when it comes to my marriage. A discussion can bring the same results to the table as a heated argument, without all of the drama and heartache.
4) I love my wife too much to argue with her over something petty. Not Richard nor Kyle! Sorry, Nascar joke...and not a good one either.
5) If I can provide it, I should. Sometimes that takes time (it once took me almost a year to squirrel away enough money to buy my wife a used video camera...she never had a clue that I was doing it!) and determination but the happiness of my family is only surmounted by the happiness of God with me in my daily walk with Him!
6) When all is said and done, Love (Jesus) is all we have...don't let it go for money!
God is good to us and has blessed me with this wonderful family. I pray that I can live up to His expectations in my life with them.
Love God, Love People
Jon
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