Catching your kids doing something right

Parenting is hard.

Difficult.

There are seasons of great joy - and seasons of great challenge.

Now that our three kids are out of the house - I am an authority on parenting.  :)

Here's what I know (and this applies to anyone in life that you are in relationship with):  Catch your kids doing something right - and praise them for it.

While this is especially true during the critical two to four years of age - it can be vitally important during the junior high and senior high years (which can be brutal relationally) as well.

As our children interact with other children, it is inevitable that they will come across criticism, teasing and even taunting.

By the time they come home on any given day, the last thing they need is for mom and dad to add on to the constant stream of being putting down throughout the day.

Now then, I really get the idea of "If I spare the rod and spoil my child, that won't be pleasing to God."

We must never shy away from discipline as parents.

I get that.

But here is what I would suggest:  We must be slow to criticize and quick to praise (and by praise - I mean genuine applause from the heart).

Try to catch your child doing something right.

Years ago, Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson wrote the excellent book entitled, "The One Minute Manager."

The thesis was that as you enter and exit someone's life, you can, in one minute, leave them "better" than when you found them, leaving them with a sense of feeling good about themselves by giving them a quick, "you did good on such and such."

It's called - giving affirmation.

Instead of seeing your parenting role as primarily a matter of catching  your kids doing something wrong and making sure to correct them, why not take a fresh look at relating to your children and spend just as much time, if not more time, in catching them doing something right?

Everyone needs affirmation.  Everyone needs encouragement.  Everyone needs appreciation.

Even Jesus received affirmation from God the Father in Matthew 3:17, "This is My Son, Whom I love, with Him I am well pleased."

Now then, a word of caution.  Praise, but praise in the right way.

Your child must know that you love them unconditionally. 

That is so important, for if you only praise them for doing something right, then they will start to live on a performance basis, thinking, "If I do a good job.....if I get A's...If I hit a home run...then my parents will appreciate me."

That produces a lot of unnecessary guilt. 

So, here's the solution.  Bend over backwards to make your children feel accepted, first - and then appreciated.  Let them know that you accept them and then move on to appreciation. 

Josh McDowell, in his wonderful book, "How to be a hero to your kids" (from which I get a lot of this blog) writes, "I appreciate my child's effort more than my child's accomplishment, and I appreciate my child's worth as a human being even more than my child's effort).

Good stuff for you parents.  Praying for and with you!

Just a thought for a Thursday.