"Get out of my face!" Have you ever felt like someone was right up in your face trying to get you to perceive something from their point of view?
I know that I get a little uncomfortable if someone speaks to me "nose to nose."
We as Americans, especially appreciate "space" in our communications with others.
If a group of Koreans come to church they will all sit in a mass, huddled together. If a group of Americans come to church, they need as much space as possible, and generally sit near the back.
Joseph Myers, in his book, "A search to belong," writes that all human beings communicate and develop a sense of belonging in four relational spaces:
Public Space…………………….12 feet and beyond
Social Space …………………….4 to 12 feet
Personal Space ………………….18 inches to 4 feet
Intimate Space …………………..0 to 18 inches
All four spaces are where we connect, grow roots, and satisfy our search for community. And harmony among the spaces—all four of them—builds healthy community in individuals and organization.
The secret is to see all connections as significant. All of these spaces are important, real, and authentic in people’s lives.
People give us the gift of relational space. They want to connect and they give clues to how they would like to connect. If we try to connect in a different way, the person may feel attacked or unwanted.
It’s important to learn to “read” the space that people invite us into and to be at peace with whatever space people want to connect with us. We can have significant belonging in whatever space people invite us into.
May we be sensitive to the needs of those around us, sometimes moving ourselves—sometimes helping others move—to a space more comfortable, more harmonious and healthy.
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1 comment:
Space, the final frontier. I have too much fun as a Christian. There ought to be a law.
Seinfeld had what they called a close talker. That, I guess is nose to nose. You don’t really find a lot of them around. I don’t mind close talkers, as long as they just took an Altoides. All the other space issues, going to movies, sporting events, concerts, church, etc, we seem to cope with, when we have to, and when it’s to our benefit.
If you let people gravitate to where they wanted to sit on any given Sunday morning, you’d have people sitting in the balcony, just because they want more space.
You could run into problems though, with the territorial male that sits in the same pew week after week. Hey! your sitting in my space. Oh, sorry!
My Mom use to tell me that there was three kinds of space. The space up there. The space down here. And, the space between my ears. My mother was wise.
We need to be thankful to the Lord for the beautiful facility that we have. There’s a lot of space for everybody. If we take those four relational spaces to seriously though, we might have to have another building program. But, before we do that, I think we should work on our personal and intimate relationships. This will reduce the amount of space needed and we can get more people into the space we have. Well, I guess I’ll leave some space for someone else to comment. I hope everyone will take advantage of the opportunities available here at First Assembly throughout the week. There’s always space for one more and that’s you. Be blessed in Jesus Name.
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