All right, admit it. None of us like to be manipulated. None of us like to be used or coerced into anything.
I don't like to be manipulated, but I distain it even more when I sense that I am beginning to manipulate someone else.
Someone once wrote, "Manipulation is the attempt to control, obligate , or take advantage of others by unfair or insidious means."
It's not done in an "in your face" kind of way but by the little things: litle hints, well-timed comments, or even facial expressions.
Paul writes in First Thessalonians 2:5, "Never once did we try to win you with flattery, as you very well know, and God knows we were not just pretending to be your friends so that you would give us money!"
There's the "I'm smarter than you are" manipulator.
In a discussion, they always know more than anyone else. They take great relish in correcting factual errors in conversations. They control arugments and look for ways to show that others are at fault. They use guilt when they want somebody to do something. They want to be the "victor" in any given situation.
There's the "Woe is me" manipulator.
They sigh. They clutch. They cry. They bemoan their sicknesses and use even emotional struggles to gain contorla dn get their way. They can appear so needy, so ill...until they see it's not working. They want to be the "victim" in any given situation.
There's the "No one can do it without me" manipulator.
They loved to me needed. Whenever someone has a problem (like one of their kids), they are immediately on the plane, going to the home of their child, even before being invited. And if their child gets a little bit resentful...well...the "no one can do it without me" syndrome gets going....."Well, how ungrateful can you be."
Down with manipulation!
What can you do when you sense someone is manipulating you? Confront them by sharing how you feel. Learn from the experience by storing in your mind how being manipulated made you feel.
What can you do when you sense you are manipulating someone else? Give someone permission to observe you, watching for any manipulative comments or actions.
Now, if you have read this far, let me ask you this: What is the difference between persuasion and manipulation? How can we tell the difference?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
The difference between the two is just this "by unfair or insidious means" that you cited in the definition. We are to be persuasive but not unfairly or sneakily. We should wait to offer our advice until someone asks for it. We should correct others only when we are correct ourselves...you know, the whole plank and twig thing. This is not to say that we should not offer our expertise...man, I'll be the first to say I don't know anything about home repair or car repair or repair in general and I really appreciate it when someone steps up and lets me know how to get something done...even better, if they help me to do it so they know I got it right. There are times, when we know our brothers and sisters, that we should be offering our assistance and guidance because we know their hearts and their pride. We all know people who would rather starve than ask for help...that's not biblical!
Anyway, I went off course again. Persuasion is gentle and kind and loving and logical. Manipulation is none of those things. Probably the best example of the difference is found in the media. We have newspapers or magazines that are respected and do their best to present credible information to the people. We also have tabloids, newspapers, and magazines that sensationalize things to make you panic or think things are worse than they are by using words or phrases or misquoting or using out of date references or other nefarious means.
Kids are another good source for manipulation...how many kids do you know who think they have their parents wrapped around their finger? And how many of them do YOU think are right? Kids will try to play parents off each other or imply that one parent is aware and/or gave approval when seeking such approval from the other. Even as adults, we are guilty of some of this behavior in our work and in our homes and in our church. Challenge manipulation and challenge me if you think I am using it on you. I give you that permission and ask that you do so in order to make me aware and make me a better person. I resolve to avoid manipulative behavior in all of my relationships. Help me to do so.
I read the other day a very simple statement and it continues to stay with me. How we treat our father (or mother) is how we treat God. My thought to follow that was, How we treat each other is how we treat God as well. Jesus said as much as we had done to the least of His children, so are we doing to Him. Powerful stuff!
Love God for He sure loves you! Love people because that is one way you show your love for God!
Jon
Post a Comment