Silence and conflict

One of the things I am working on in my life is being silent during times of conflict.

I am getting better - but I would guess that I have a ways to go.

If you are like me, you want to get "your word in", "your thoughts in", you want to make sure everybody sees the issue from "your point of view".

Here is what I am learning:

Sometimes silence is the best way to go.

Being silent and letting the Holy Spirit take control and do His work.

I really do believe that we vastly underestimate what the Holy Spirit can do during times of relational discord.

Michael Yaconelli wrote a story in his book, "Messy Spirituality" that describes this.

He writes:

"A group of us were at a spiritual retreat when an innocent late-night discussion escalated into a toxic disagreement that exploded into an extremely angry argument.

Provoked and frustrated, we all went to be upset.

The next morning, we requested help from one of our spiritual directors, Sue, who graciously agreed to mediate the situation.  Early in the afternoon, we gathered in a small room and started unraveling the argument of the night before.

As the discussion went on, the tension in the room escalated as ugly words shot back and froth.  Anger again filled the room.  Meanwhile, our spiritual director remained silent, making no attempt to mediate whatsoever.  What was the matter with her?  Why wasn't she intervening?  Our discomfort increased until our director's silence became so loud we stopped arguing.

One by one, we looked up to see Sue quietly sobbing, her eyes reddened, her face distorted with anguish at our pain.

Without saying a word, our spiritual director broke through the anger in the room, silenced our shouting, connected with the deep cause of our bickering, and put us on the road to reconciliation.  Even though Sue did not understand the complicated, dysfunctional relationships among the members of our group, God used her silence and her tears to begin a process of healing."

Maybe, we (me) need to talk less and let the Holy Spirit move - more.

Just a thought for a Tuesday.