Handling the failure of others

I've often wondered how God looks at us when we fail. When we sin. When we really blow it.

Sometimes our perception of how our Father reacts is determined by our view of God Himself. How we view God will bring about the way we handle, not only the times we fail, but the times others fail as well.

We see someone close to us fail, we can have natural feelings of disappointment, anger, fear, and sometimes even disgust.

"How could this happen"?
"I would have never thought that they would have done that."
"Didn't they think through what they were doing."

Blaise Pascal once said, "The heart has its reasons that reason doesn't understand."

Sometimes I don't know why I do certain things without trying to figure out why and how other people react and act in life.

It can be a challenge as to what to do with a friend who has failed because we are trying to sort through our own feelings.

Here's what I know (and am learning)- that when someone else fails I am to do the following (Not in any order):

1. Allow myself to grieve. It can be heart rendering to see someone we love and know blow it. God has created us with the ability to grieve during these times. To walk through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. However, we grieve in knowing that even out of the tragedy itself, God will bring about something good.

2. Do a check of my own spiritual pulse. When someone else fails I must avoid the immediate fleshly reaction of "I'm glad I didn't do that." "How could they have." No matter how "spiritual" we may be, we all have thoughts that come into our minds like that (However brief they may be). We can't allow ourselves to dwell on those thoughts. Only one person was sinless. Jesus.

I must check my own relationships, my own spiritual parameters that keep me from giving into temptation, my own accountability's.

3. Pray for the person who has failed. Pray that they might be completely restored. Pray that God will give you wisdom as to how to relate and speak with the person who has failed.

4. Understand that I must allow my friend to walk through the consequences of what they have done. It is injurious to the complete recovery of the "fallen person" if we attempt or participate in the cutting short of the restoration process. Or of walking through the consequences.

5. Realize that I was not the cause of that person's failures. It can be a real temptation to begin to point fingers at ourselves when someone else fails.

I always share with parents of adult children: "We are responsible to our children, but we are not responsible for them." They are responsible for the decisions they make. To assume responsibility for someone else who has failed is to do something that not even God attempts to do.

6. Be willing to show love, acceptance and forgiveness. In showing love, that doesn't mean that you and I condone the behavior of our friend or loved one, but we signal to them a sense of unconditional love when we reach out to them when no one else does.

Say something like this: "I don't agree with what you have done, but I want you to know that I will always be there for you."

7. Look at how God views failure. Look at how what God thinks of a person who has blown it.

5 words:

Compassion.

God has compassion on those who have failed. God doesn't look at us and give a big laugh and point fingers and say, "I told you so."

Concern

God's love is so strong for those who have deserted Him that He will wait for their return. His heart grieves over the sinner who wanders off, but he waits with silent anticipation for the return of the guilty one.

Consistency

When a sinner sincerely turns to the Father, God is always there prepared to have compassion, to forgive, to love and to accept that person as a son or daughter. That doesn't mean that he condones what that person has done. It does mean that he is willing and able and ready to forgive and reconcile.

Cheerful

When people do admit their failure and work toward restoration, rejoice! God Himself is happy beyond comprehension. Not for the failure, but for the return.

The enemy of our souls will always try to tell us that "God will always be mad at us, we will always have to be second best." In reality heaven bursts with applause when someone returns to God.

Custom

God always forgives and reconciles those who admit their failure and come to him. It is his custom.

John writes, "If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9)

I'm thankful for friends and family who have stood by me when I have blown it. I want to be there for others as well.