where were you on 911

I think I'm like everyone else when I say that I can't believe that it's been five years since 911. It obviously has changed so much in our country and the world in general.

Where was I on September 11, 2001? At our church - First Assembly of God in Battle Creek, Michigan. After hearing the news, we all stood the nursery of our church where there was a television hooked up to cable at that time.

It was overwhelming. The evidences of the cycle of grief went through all of us, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. For some it has taken a long time to get to the acceptance stage and I would suspect that many haven't reached the point of acceptance at all.

Churches were filled in the following Sundays. Life become more focused on God. Spirituality and prayer become the norm rather than the exception.

Out of all of it, to be vulnerable, what really bothered me the most, were the pictures of people jumping out of the world trade center buildings. I cannot imagine, nor do I feel that any kind of media can fully capture what must have been going on through the minds of those faced with the decision that day - how am I going to die? Some chose to die by leaping from the building itself.

I trust and pray that no one reading this blog will ever be faced with that decision. How am I going to die?

The ultimate question (and I don't want to take away from the reality, seriousness or emotion of the first question) is were am I going when I die?

Where am I going to spend eternity?

The time to answer that question is not when I am in a crisis situation with nothing on my mind but survival - but today, when I am thinking clearly and mulling over the options in front of me.

I have chosen to spend eternity with God. While I have moments, windows if you will, brief segments where I actually fear dying, what I really fear more than anything is the process of dying itself.

Yet God can deal and does deal with that fear as well.

911 changed us all. For several months afterward it was all I could do to deal with all of the smallness and pettiness I sometimes deal with as a pastor. I would think to myself, "you're upset about that?" "You're ungrateful about that?"

Yet the dailyness of life has settled back on us all.

Futures are being prayed over, plans are being made, life goes on. That might be the hardest part of all for all of us in America. Reaching that point where we go on.

Anyway, just some random thoughts. Where were you on 911?