Trust

Trust is such an important yet fragile word.

Trust takes time, many times a lot of time to earn, especially with those who have had their trust in someone broken in the past.

Trust can be lost in a moment, in the time that it takes to snap one of your fingers.

Whether it be a word that it said or a deed that is done, our trust in someone or some/thing around us can be broken, trashed, nuked in a nano second.

During those moments, you and I immediately walk through the grieving process, "This can't be happening - how could they say that", and then anger at the person who betrayed our trust, bargaining with God in an attempt to overcome our emotion hurt, depression over the fact that we just can't seem to get over the hurdle of brokenness, and finally acceptance that while the relationship might never be the same, we can reestablish or reconcile with the person and move on with our lives.

Those are, of course, the 5 steps of grief.

However, here is what I know.  If after two years (which is a generalize time frame from most psychologist) you are still struggling with trusting that person who has broken your trust, it might be time to talk to a Christian counselor, pastor or mentor in your life.

If, after two years, you are still struggling with what happened (you remember the time, the place, the words that were spoken, the way that they were spoken) and you can't let go - it might be time to seek some kind of emotional help and support.

This is so important, for to withdraw trust completely from the world around you is self-destructive. 

Many choose to live in self imposed prisons with walls so high it makes any prison in Chicago look pale in comparison.

"I'm never going to be hurt by that person again, or for that matter anyone else," they cry out.

But at what point can that person redeem themselves in your sight?  At what point can a friendship, a relationship be restored in your eyes?

How much does that person have to "pay" to get back into your good graces?

How long are you going to hang it over "their heads"?

"How long must that person suffer before they can attempt to reconcile with you"?

As I have said many times, "many of us are harder on others than God is."

At what point does your "hurt" and your "woundness" become just another way of attracting attention or allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity?

The way to overcome a lack of trust in our lives is not to withdraw trust - or to withdraw from relationship with those around us - but to forgive and move on.

Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right - forgiveness sets you free.

Let me say that in another way:  Reconciling with someone doesn't make the other person right - reconciling with them allows you to move forward with your life.

How do you reestablish trust in someone?   Give them trust.

It is that simple. 

Just a thought for a Tuesday.