What to do when hurting people hurt you

Years ago, in a teaching given by John Maxwell, I learned that "hurting people hurt people."

It's an axiom of life.  When I am hurting, I hurt easily.

It's like having an sore on your arm.  You don't really feel the pain unless something bumps up against it.  Hurting people hurt people.  Hurting people hurt easily.

A lot of times when hurting people are hurting, they will use that as an opportunity to drain their emotions about other hurts that they are feeling toward you or me as well.

Submerged feelings, denied feelings, feelings that normally wouldn't come out - come out like a flood in the middle of a storm.

Unfortunately, that person who is hurting who go into "attack mode", nuking everything and anyone around them.

I see it all the time.  I experience this all the time.

As a pastor, I am a caregiver.  I give words of solace, comfort and hopefully peace in the lives of those who are hurting.

But a lot of times, those words are bypassed and used by the hurting person to attack everyone else around them (including me) with what has been bothering them from the past.

What do I do?  What do you do when you experience this?

Don't take things personally.

Hurting people will try to make it personal, they will create offenses when none have been committed.  Realize that ultimately, they are hurting about life and not just you.

Look beyond the person for the problem.

Always remember that hurting people overreact, over-exaggerate, and overprotect. When a person's reaction is out of line or larger than the issue at hand, the response is almost always about something else.

Look beyond the situation

Rise above the emotional turmoil that other people may create.

Do not add to their hurt

Forgive and move on. Be kind and gentle. Although from experience, most of them can't stand this kind of response.

Now then, while all that I have written is well and good, when someone who is hurting, hurts me - it hurts!

My responsibility is to stop the hurt from continuing on to other people.

Just some thoughts for a Tuesday.