We talked about boundaries in our marriage class last night.
Gary Smalley writes, "healthy boundaries can help you to protect yourself from being mistreated by other people - your marriage partner, your children, and your friends. They also can protect your own family from others."
You know it's time to build your own fence when you are angry, he writes. When you feel threatened or fearful.
You want to rise up and says, "Hey, I'm an individual. My feelings are important! I'm a person! I want to build my fence."
Smalley writes, "when you build that fence, you will find that these negative emotions begin to drop off."
We all need boundaries. We all need to spend our time building our own fences and letting people know where we being and where we end.
Years ago, we had an older man in the church, who for a season, called me at 7:30 A.M. every morning, as I was getting ready to go to work.
Finally, after a time of this, I had to share with him, "Thou shalt not call me at 7:30 A.M. every morning."
Boundaries
What are your boundaries today?
Debbie and I have a phrase that we use with one another - sometimes we get "peopled-out" where we desire to spend the evening together at home - alone. Those feelings bring us to the point of saying, "we need to put our boundaries up." "We're getting maxed out."
That's hard, especially for care-givers. It can lead to feelings of guilt. But it is necessary for a fulfilling life long ministry.
Remember - boundaries aren't used to necessarily keep people out - but to keep your emotional balance within.
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Boundaries are good...when used correctly and with warning. Sometimes we just get confused because people are not consistent with their boundaries or expect us to know what they are telepathically. I need conversation to determine boundaries before I run over them. I shared last night that I have had to put boundaries on phone calls at our house in the past...thankfully, those days are over (pray forever) and we are unrestricted again. And that's how we like to be, open and inviting...but even then, we reserve the right to say, "Not tonight" or "Maybe some other time." This was really important over this summer when I had opened the boundaries wide and was getting burned out in the process. Thankfully, Kim saw what I couldn't and took some action, setting boundaries without my knowledge and then discussing them with me later. And then I could see what she had already observed...I was too accessible. I was putting myself at risk, though the reward was great, when a slower pace could achieve the same result. Well, maybe the same result...in any case, it was a welcome respite. And we've learned from that situation and several others over the past couple of years. Now, we lean on each other and talk about the limits we set for ourselves, for our marriage, for our family, and for our home. It works much better that way.
BTW, George, did you look up "sport?" I did and everyone seems to be kind of right. I use a very large (11 x 14) Webster's Third New International Dictionary that has over that has almost 2700 pages to ensure that I get all the nuances of words...and sport has a lot of nuances. I'll list several to add to your marital discussion:
1. Something that is a source of pleasant diversion; a pleasing or amusing pastime or activity; recreation.
2. A particular play, game, or mode of amusement such as (a) a diversion of the field (hunting, fishing, racing, or any various games such as bowling, rackets, or basketball) or (b) a game or contest especially when involving individual skill or physical prowess upon which money is staked.
3. Something light, playful, or frivolous and lacking in serious intent or spirit; superior or contemptuous mirth.
4. (Archaic) To make oneself merry; divert, amuse, cheer.
5. To amuse oneself by light or playful activity (as by participation in a game or outdoor exercise); frolic, romp.
6. (Archaic) To bet habitually.
There are many other definitions, most dealing with how we deal with our fellow man than from any physical or mental contest. Hope this helps with your discussion.
Man plans, God plans better!
Jon
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