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Monday, August 22, 2005

Fearfulness of solitude

I need to spend time alone with God. There are times when I want to run into His presence.

And yet when I feel that way, I frequently come across the temptation of "there is too much to be done," or "I don't have the time," to dwell with Him.

It brings about a paradox, or at least I think it's a paradox, that it's when I am alone with God, in solitude with Him, that I discover how dependent I am on Him.

I find myself coming into God's presence, just me and Him, alone, in solitude and without the distractions of my daily life, I begin to feel anxious and tense.

When nobody speaks to me, or is calling me, or needs my help, I can start to feel like a nobody and that leads to feelings of uselessness, of not feeling valuable, or feeling insignificant.

So what do I do many times? I leave this fearful solitude quickly and start getting busy again to reassure myself that I am "somebody."

It's a great temptation, for what makes me "somebody," is not how much other people needs me, but God's eternal love for me. When I realize how much God loves me and cares for me, it throws all of my co-dependency out the window.

As one author wrote, "to claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are."

In other words, I am somebody when I am in God's presence. Alone. In solitude. That's what he ultimately created me for. For worship. For relationships.

1 comment:

Jon said...

I also need to spend some significant time alone with God, listening to Him and learning where/how He wants me to be. I have set the day aside and wonder if I really will take it. I wonder because of my "busyness," because of my job, because of my life getting in the way. But I know that I must make the time, take the time, to get right with God.

I like solitude, I like time alone, I like it when people are not in my ear or in my mind...and I think that this is sometimes more of a problem than my busyness. An old adage goes, "I'm not prejudiced, I dislike everyone the same." Am I that guy? Am I content to leave the world outside and avoid contact with people? I think that sometimes I am...sometimes I just need to be away.

My task for the future is when I am away from people that I learn to be closer to God for He is always with me. I need to shut up and listen (my apologies for baseball comment G.), quieting my mouth and my mind, settling into the peace and joy that resides in my Savior. Then I need to return from that time refreshed and renewed to connect with people, to connect with the world (in a Jesus sense), and to connect with all of you.

God bless