Football and church

We desire non-churched people to come to our church.  We desire to be culturally relevant and doctrinally pure.

Here a great question:

What if we translated some of our "church talk" into common every day ordinary language so that the average Chicago Bears fan would understand?

That would help the average "Chicago Bears, non-churched visitor" wade through all of our God-talk and feel comfortable.

For example (let me give you the football term and than apply it to the church):

Blocking - Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else form exiting.

Draw play - What restless children do during a long sermon.

End around:  Diaper-changing time in the nursery.

End zone:  The pews.

Draft choice:  The decision to sit close to an air-conditioning vent - and then complain it is too cold.

Extra point - What you receive when you tell me that my sermon was too short.

Face mask:  Smiling and saying everything is fine when it isn't.

Forward motion:  The invitation at the end of the service.

Illegal use of hands:  Clapping at an inappropriate point in the service.

Delay of game:  Someone who always walks in late.

Offsides:  A person who won't look at the pastor as he preaches. 

Interference:  A person who stands in the foyer and gossips.

Illegal motion:  Leaving before the benediction.

In the pocket:  Where some church attendees keep God's tithe.

Passing game:  The maneuver required of late-comers when the person sitting at the end of the pew won't slide to the middle. 

Quarterback:  What tight-wads want after putting fifty cents in the offering.

Running backs:  Those who make repeated trips to the rest room.

Anyway....just some thoughts so that people might feel comfortable in our services.  :)