handling anger

Let's talk about anger again.

Anger causes us to do some goofy things.

I read a story today from a 1930's edition of the Chicago Herald Examiner about a husband and a wife. The article, "Man Spites His Wife by Staying Blindfolded in Bed Seven Years," reads:

"The strange story of Harry Havens of Indiana, who went to bed—and stayed there—for seven years with a blindfold over his eyes because he was peeved at his wife, was revealed here today when he decided to get out of bed. Havens was the kind of husband who liked to help around the house—hang pictures, wipe the dishes, and such.

His wife scolded him for the way he was performing one of these tasks, and he resented it. He is reported to have said: "All right. If that's the way you feel, I'm going to bed. I'm going to stay there the rest of my life. And I don't want to see you or anyone else again." His last remark explains the blindfold. He got up, he explained, when the bed started to feel uncomfortable after seven years."

I laughed at that but then I realize I've done some stupid stuff in my time because I was angry.

Surprisingly, Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:25 to "be angry"! "And yet, do not sin."

Okay....Paul...what in the world does that mean?

It's a contrast. Be angry. It's okay to be angry. Paul is no psychologist, but he has a great insight. Go ahead and feel angry.

Don't do the Christian thing of "I'm a Christian, and I shouldn't feel angry, so I'm going to quit feeling this way." "I'm going to stuff it or deny it or repress it."

Don't do that. Go ahead and feel angry. You can't really control how you feel anyway. Go ahead and admit, "Hey, I'm ticked off! I'm mad, I'm angry, your hurt me!"

Hurt produces anger.

It's okay to feel anger but it's not okay to do angry things. That's the hard part.

Someone cuts us off on the highway, we want to drive up and reciprocate.

Someone calls us and bawls us out - we want to call them right back and return the "favor".

Someone sends us an email that causes our blood to boil - and we want to immediately sit down and spew it right back.

(By the way, Email has its upside, but the downside of email is that you cannot sense or understand or feel the emotions with which someone is writing.)

I've gotten into a lot of trouble doing things produced by my anger.

I've said things I wished I could unsay. I've made decision I wished I could undecide. And when I look back, it's because i was mad, I was angry. I thought I was justified in my anger (isn't it amazing that when we are angry it is justified, but when someone else is angry with us - the "don't have their heart right with God") and I thought I was justified in my response.

I would suspect that you are in the same "boat" as me.

Paul says, "no, you and I have to split the two apart."

Our feelings - our responses.

In other words, there's the anger, the feelings and then there are the decisions that come from that anger.

Some people in church life are mad all the time. Some churches are just mad churches. Angry, upset all the time.

Most of our anger in church life is passive aggressive. We get upset with something at work or something in our home life and we take it out on those who we think won't fight back or who are supposed to not fight back. The church, or other Christians.

Some of it is because we don't get our own way. Or we are fearful because differences of opinions and methods which causes us to feel insecure. Or we get impatient with something, we try to control something that is out of control.

Let's slow down with that a little bit. If there is anywhere we should have strong parameters up and act in a godly way it is with God's people, our church family.

Anger invites the devil in. It gives the devil a "foothold" as Paul writes in Ephesians 4:27.

What are some way to handle our anger?

1. Count to 10
2. Take a walk
3. Have a conversation with God
4. Keep an anger diary
5. Wait 24 hours before you respond
6. Talk it out with someone you trust (not "someones" but "someone")
7. Get a good night's sleep
8. Express your anger in appropriate and beneficial ways: clean the house. Mow the yard; work out
9. Realize the consequences of your anger
10. Confess your sin of anger, ask for forgiveness from God and the person you have hurt and go on to live in victory.
11. Forgive others as God has forgiven you.

Hope that helps.