Mike Yaconelli in his book, "Messy Spirituality" writes:
"Spirituality is not a formula; it is not a test. It is a relationship. Spirituality is not about competency; it is about intimacy. Spirituality is not about perfection; it is about connection. The way of the spiritual life begins where we are now in the mess of our lives. Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality, not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws, but because we let go of seeking perfection and instead seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives. Spirituality is not about being fixed; it is about God's being present in the mess of our unfixedness."
Connection is so very important in our culture today. People want to connect. That's not the issue. The issue is breaking us all out of our apathy and lethargy to connect. Connection costs. It costs our time and effort.
Andy Stanley writes, "As important as small groups are in executing our strategy, it all falls apart if people have a difficult time connecting. If they cannot get into a group, then we cannot deliver on the benefits of a group."
So true.
Let's again ask the questions:
What do we want people to become?
What do we want people to do?
Where do we want them to go?
This is done in steps, incrementally.
There are three different "locations" to describe our environments that can connect people relationally and help move them into small groups.
Stanley calls it their, "foyer to kitchen" strategy.
Like the rooms of a house, the environments of the church function for different purposes to help people connect.
We desire that people go from the foyer as a guest, to our living room as a friend, to our kitchen as family. We desire that our small groups connect to the extent that people have "refrigerator rights," as Randall Neighbor said.
Let's go to the foyer. Foyers are to be designed to change people's minds about church. Most people today don't have a problem with God, they have a problem with the church. They view the church as being irrelevant to their everyday lives.
The foyer would be our worship services on Sunday mornings.
We must continually stay relevant to where people are!
Then there is the living room. Our living rooms are medium-sized environments designed to change people's minds about connecting.
This would be our adult electives and other smaller settings where people begin to get to know one another.
Then there is the kitchen table.
The kitchen table is often where life's most meaningful conversations take place.
It's where we being to feel like family.
Small groups are to be designed to change people's minds about their priorities, as Stanley writes, "that through the activity of God and the influence of their group, their priorities and God's priorities will line up; that over time, their lives will change."
One of the barriers to participating in a small group is the decision-making process of deciding where we fit in.
Some people fear they will be trapped if they join a group..That after a few weeks, the group will not be what they wanted or expected and it will be too late...They will be STUCK.
As Stanley writes, "and so for the next eighteen to twenty-four months, they will be condemned to group hell."
North Point Church has 8 week "starter" groups, which is a group that "dates" for 8 weeks. If the group gels, they continue on for the entire covenant period as a fully functioning community group. If it doesn't no hard feelings. No questions ask.
Let me ask you these question and try to generate some response. How can we do this at First Assembly of God. How can we help people overcome this fear?
How can we get folks to join a small group while overcoming the barriers of feeling trapped by the commitment levels involved?
What are some barriers for people getting into a small group?
Why is establishing clear expectations form the beginning so important for a group's success? How could you do this effectively in your setting?
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3 comments:
I have been attending this church since last fall, and feel as though I am still a newcomer, so I wanted to respond to these as such. I noticed from the 1st day I started that the people in this church are very caring and considerate when it comes to new people. I attended a small group that very Sunday, as we were invited that morning. Actually, we were invited to another small group as well. The Sunday group has since dissolved, but the other group is still growing strong. I still don't quite feel like I "belong" there however. It's hard to fit in sometimes, mostly because I have a hard time opening up to others. I'm the kind of person that waits for others to talk to me before I talk to them (most of the time), but I'm slowly learning that I need to open up and tend to others needs as well. I've been so focused on how I feel in the situation, that I quickly forget there are other new people and those just like me that I should be talking with. (Which is one thing I've learned from my small group) So, my fear isn't that I'll be trapped in a commitment, but that I haven't committed enough. To me, these are some of the barriers for getting into a small group. I've gone several times, but still don't feel like I'm one of the group. I still feel sort of like an outsider. There should be some ways to include everyone during the group, group conversation, each person needing to be involved. I guess I need some kind of an order to things, a plan, not just a get together where we sit and eat and chat about our day. Those things are important as well and they have their place, but some kind of structure is needed as well.
I hear you Beth! I think that is part of my current fatigue with my small group.
I wanted to answer Pastor's questions so I copied them below, like Rick did in his response:
Let me ask you these question and try to generate some response. How can we do this at First Assembly of God. How can we help people overcome this fear?
I don't know if commitment is the answer to any of our issues. My concern is that people are committed to Christ, not my small group. I would like to know if they are coming to small group, to assist in the planning and whatnot, but if they "group hop" it doesn't bother me. I encourage people to be committed to the process though! If small groups need you for an activity, please go. If small groups need a hand, lend it. If small groups need a boost, provide it. That's what those who are afraid of the commitment to a small group can do. They can partake and assist in little ways, or external ways if you want to use that phrase, that foster the small group philosophy. I still say that everyone in our church is in a small group right now...they just don't recognize it.
How can we get folks to join a small group while overcoming the barriers of feeling trapped by the commitment levels involved?
Don't place a commitment on it. I really like the "dating" philosophy of North Shore. Have folks get together for a short while...8 weeks seems too long but 4 weeks seems too short...but by doing it this way, people can mix and match throughout the range until a group can be formed. Don't place limits on the group at all, other than the obvious ones, but if we over define it, people can focus on one little issue to avoid it. I think a tiny group is great...I also think a huge group is great. I think a mixed group is fantastic...I also think a focus group is fantastic. The group needs to have an idea of what it wants to be/do...then it can grow as the members decide.
What are some barriers for people getting into a small group?
Time, relationships, age, new fangled ideas, self esteem. Those are just a few but pretty much sum up the majority of our reclusives. "I don't have enough time." "I don't know anyone in that group." "Their all too old (or young) for me." "Small groups are just a fad, they'll go away." "No one wants me in their group, even if they've asked me. They're just being polite."
These are all very pervasive opinions that people have, both in our church and elsewhere in the small group world if you read other material from other churches going to this format. They really stop the ministry from moving forward at a certain point and can definitely be the death knell of the ministry if they are not addressed.
Why is establishing clear expectations form the beginning so important for a group's success? How could you do this effectively in your setting?
I wish I had done that...I can start now. At a certain point, if you haven't established clear expectations, then you wallow in the sea of uncertainty. That is, people don't know where they are going or what is going to happen. This is kind of where our group is at...we had focus for a while but seem to be off center. We're going to spend the summer thinking on these issues and come back in the fall ready to set some clear goals and expectations for our group.
The bottom line is that small groups do not happen by accident. It takes a lot of planning and commitment by leadership and by members to get this ministry up and running and to keep it running. The other thing, and Rick alluded to this, is that we have to keep learning...we have to look outside of our own experience to see what other things are happening in the small group movement. There is a wealth of experience out there, tap into it.
Most of all, follow the mission statement: Love God, Love People!
Jon
Beth, another option might be to join the women's Bible studies that are offered on Wednesday evenings at the church. There is also one during the week I believe at Nancy Warren's home. There are definitely other options that might give you the depth you are looking for, yet still in a small setting so you can get to know other women in the church.
Don't give up. There are so many different areas of ministry that I'm sure you gifts in the body will fit perfectly. I applaud you for trying different small groups and taking the initiative to meet new people and "get out there."
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