Listening

It's one thing to speak - it's another thing entirely to listen. Sometimes that can be hard, I know it can for me. But I believe I'm getting better.

When I struggle with listening, it's not that I am speaking too much (although most of us simply talk too much. James 1:19 states, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.") but that my mind is focused on a lot of various and different things.

We can always become more proficient at listening.

You might say, "I think I'm a good listener." But there is a big difference between hearing and listening.

We hear - but are we listening?

Many times I've heard Debbie or my kids, or someone at church say something - but I didn't listen.

It's a skill that is developed.

Here's what I am learning.

To listen well I must:

1. Get all the facts

We go by assumptions don't we. We think we know the attitude and motivation of someone's heart.

Someone is speaking to you and they say something you don't agree with and there is a real temptation to say, "Time out, stop right there, let's deal with this." And you don't go any further. But we need to hear each other out.

Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

2. Stay calm.

In other words we can't become defensive.

You and I will be criticized. It's inevitable. The only way not to be criticized is to:

do nothing
say nothing
be nothing.

And even then, you will be criticized for nothing!

Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom give him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

3. Ask questions

Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."

Jesus always answered an question with a question. Why? To seek out someone's heart. Their motivation.

Who? What? How? These are great questions.

4. Say back to the person what they have said to you. You can say something like, "let me say back to you what I think you are saying to me."

Just some thoughts for a Thursday.