Conflict: Not making it worse

Have you ever been in conflict with someone? We all have.

Are you in conflict right now with a family member? Fellow employee? A person in the church?

What's been your response in that conflict?

Do you have to have the "last word?"

Do you have to make sure your point is heard above everyone else?

One famous conflict that I was reading of was between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor in England. It is well-known that they despised one another.

Actually they hated each other.

And though I'm not interested in placing blame on who was at fault in this relationship, there are numerous stories about how Mr. Churchill kept the battle going with his barbs and witticisms.

On one occasion Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If I were your wife I would fill your cocktail glass with poison."

Churchill replied, "Lady Astor, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
On another occasion, Lady Astor made the public accusation: "Mr. Churchill, you are disgracefully drunk!"

Churchill said, "Yes I am. And you, dear lady, are disgracefully ugly. What's more, tomorrow morning I will be sober."

Now admit it. You laughed at that.

I know I did the first time I read it.

When we do laugh at that (it's okay, admit it), it shows that we are inclined not to peace but rather to conflict.

I mean, let's be honest, how many of you thought, "way to go Winston! Great comeback! I wish I could be as quick on my feet when people say things like that to me!"

"In fact, let me write that down. I may be able to use it."

When we think or verbalize that way, it shows our "bent" toward conflict. It shows how much we admire it. And thanks to this aspect of our fallen, sinful nature, many times when we strive for peace we end up quarreling and in a verbal war.

That's why, when we are in conflict, we must decide that you won't make matters any worse.

I don't think Winston Churchill could have done anything to change Lady Astor's animosity towards him, but he could have, with a little effort, kept the relationship from deteriorating any further simply by keeping his comments to himself.

For many of us, this is an impossible task. We think we have to have the last word. We think we have to return insult for insult. The result is that we keep things stirred up much longer than necessary. Paul said,

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil." (Romans 12:17)

This means you approach conflict with the attitude: "I may not be able to make this situation better, but I don't have to make it worse. I will bite my tongue and keep my comments to myself."

It's hard I know, but something to practice and pray about.