Listening with our hurts

One of the great mistakes that we in the kingdom make is to talk about our own suffering when we are listening to others describe theirs.

Speaking about our own hurts is seldom helpful to someone who is in tremendous pain whether it be emotional or physical.

"Well, I remember when my Uncle Bob had the same surgery you are having and he died," I heard someone say. Real comfort, huh.

As Henri Nouwen writes, "A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds."

Here's a suggestion. Let's use depression as an example. When you have lived through a difficult time of depression, you can listen with great attention and love to someone who is dealing with depression without mentioning your own experience.

Almost always, it is better to let someone share about their own suffering, rather than entering in and sharing our own.

Again, Nouwen writes, "We have to trust that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole being. That is healing."

Good stuff.